Scottsdale Acupuncture

Author archive - Paul Kerzner

Keeping Your Word… To Yourself

Posted Tuesday, January 20th, 2015 by Paul Kerzner

scottsdale, acupuncture, word, integrity, health, balance, wellness, holistic, growth, happiness, peace

Do you place a lot of value on keeping your word with the people in your life? Do you place the same emphasis on keeping your word to yourself? This blog post is going to address how important it is to keep your word to yourself and how it can positively impact your life. If you’re great at keeping your word with others—but not with yourself—this blog post will provide some valuable insight and tools to help you make some improvements.

Why is it so important to keep my word to myself?

Many people place a lot of importance in living a life filled with integrity and will emphasize the importance of keeping their word to the people with whom they interact. This is not only an admirable quality; it also helps to establish and maintain strong bonds, as you will be viewed as a dependable person. As time goes by, you will become regarded as someone who is trustworthy and of high moral fiber.

But keeping your word to others is only half as important as keeping your word to yourself. While it is nice that other people will place you in high regard, you also need to take stock of what you say to yourself. Having people depend on you can provide a certain level of satisfaction, but being able to depend on yourself is of greater importance.

When trying to evaluate how trustworthy you are with yourself, it is best to start paying more attention to the conversation taking place in your head. When you tell yourself you’re going to do something, do you do it? If you don’t, why not? What excuses do you find yourself using? Is it easy for you to not keep your word to yourself? Do you find this happening time and time again?

The answers to these questions will let you see how consistent—or inconsistent—you are with keeping your word to yourself. The results might prove a little startling if you’ve never before analyzed your record of following through on promises you’ve made to yourself. If you’ve discovered that quite often you can’t—or at least don’t—keep your word, it’s important to start understanding why. The first step is becoming aware of the issue; once that’s accomplished you can move on to changing the behavior.

How can I do a better job at keeping my word to myself?

After you’ve become more aware of the fact that you have difficulty with keeping your word, the next step is to make some changes. The next time you tell yourself that you’re going to do something—no matter how big or how small—make sure you follow through and do it. Whether that means running an errand, making a phone call, sending an email, showing up to an appointment early or meeting a friend, follow through and do it. The action you take is secondary to the effort you make in keeping your word. It’s vital that you don’t make exceptions, that you follow through every time without fail. This can take some practice. At first you might fall short and make some mistakes. That’s okay; don’t be too hard on yourself. Be supportive and persistent with the understanding that your word to yourself is the most important thing. If you keep trying your best and improving every day, you will soon find that being able to depend on yourself is an important part of your reality and a very worthy endeavor.

At Above & Beyond Acupuncture we provide support and guidance for patients who are looking to better themselves. If keeping your word to yourself is something you’d like assistance with, please consider setting up an appointment to work with our practitioners who are ready to help you help yourself.

Home Remedy For Fighting Colds & The Flu

Posted Tuesday, January 13th, 2015 by Paul Kerzner

Home Remedy For Fighting Colds & The Flu

**Disclaimer: The following blog post contains information to be used as a complement to improve your health if needed. If you are sick we strongly advise that you seek proper medical care.**

Are you suffering with a runny or stuffy nose, sore throat, sneezing, slight fever, cough, headache, body aches and mild tiredness? There’s a good chance you have a cold, and if these symptoms are more severe, you could be experiencing the flu. With winter here, cold and flu season has begun. At Above & Beyond Acupuncture we have seen a significant uptick in the number of patients getting sick with colds and the flu. While getting the flu shot will prevent some people from being infected, it really only prevents certain strains; and for some people, getting this shot will cause them to experience a very weak version of the flu. Many times people will go to see a doctor who will prescribe antibiotics. While that can be effective, it is our belief that antibiotics should be used sparingly.

Traditional Chinese Medicine, which includes acupuncture and Chinese herbs, is very effective at treating the symptoms of colds and the flu. In a future post we will go into detail about using acupuncture to help treat and possibly prevent these types of ailments. The purpose of this blog post is to provide a natural remedy to help treat colds and the flu. It can be prepared at home with ingredients that many people already have in their kitchens.

As we noted in the disclaimer, the home remedy we are going to share should be used as a complement to the treatment you will receive from a medical practitioner (whether that be from Eastern or Western medicine). So, if you are sick, using this remedy can be helpful, but it’s always important to seek help from a professional.

Garlic-Honey-Lemon tea is one of the most popular home remedies we prescribe to our patients. This tea is powerful, effective and natural, with no side effects (unlike over-the-counter medications.) It is most effective right at the onset of an illness, so if you feel a cold or the flu coming on, be sure to take this home remedy right away. The combination of these three items helps to strengthen the immune system; it also has antiviral, antibacterial and antimicrobial properties.

WebMD states that garlic has been successfully used to treat allergic rhinitis, cold, flu and many other conditions. It is also used for building/strengthening the immune system and preventing and treating bacterial and fungal infections. [Link] Garlic contains allicin, which is the biologically-active component of garlic. Allicin is the key ingredient responsible for the broad spectrum of anti-bacterial activity. Research has shown that allicin has a variety of beneficial effects on the body, including lowering blood pressure, fighting cancer, and contributing to the body’s anti-microbial efforts. [Link]

Honey and lemon have a significant ability to stop the growth of microbes that can cause infection. The vitamin C in lemon may strengthen the immune system and possibly help treat the symptoms of a cold. Honey may also contain antiviral properties that could inhibit viral activity from colds. [Link]

Here is the recipe for Garlic-Honey-Lemon tea:

  • Take 3 cloves of garlic and remove the shell/skin.
  • Either dice or crush the cloves (crushing is better.)
  • Let the crushed garlic sit out for 10 minutes (this is important!)
  • Boil 8-10 ounces of water and make a tea with the garlic.
  • Add 1 tablespoon of organic honey.
  • Add the juice of 1 lemon.
  • Allow contents to sit and steep for a few minutes.
  • Drink the tea.
  • Eat the garlic.

You can take this tea up to three times a day and should see some reduction in the symptoms of colds and the flu. The best time to use this home remedy is when you’re first feeling sick, but it can also be used when the illness has progressed.

We hope you will avoid getting sick, but if you catch a cold or get the flu, be sure to make use of this amazing home remedy.

A New Year, A New You! – Part 2

Posted Wednesday, January 7th, 2015 by Paul Kerzner

new year, scottsdale, acupuncture, health, wellness, wellbeing, holistic, change, growth

Please note that this blog post is the second part of a series titled “A New Year, A New You!” The first part provided helpful tools and methods to improve your life for the new year. Please click here to view that post: [Link]

What can I do to make this new year a great one?

In part one of this series we talked about the importance of being present, starting a meditation practice, and finding your life purpose. Each one of these topics has the potential to change your life. If you’ve not already done so, we suggest you take the time to read through and think about each one and how to implement it into your reality. While it may take some time and effort, your hard work will be rewarded.

Many people find it very difficult to say no to family, friends and other people in their lives. Learning to say no is something that can improve your life, especially if you identify as a “people-pleaser.” If this is something you struggle with, then learning how to say no is something that should be prioritized. There is a time and place to say no, so learning when it’s appropriate is also important. An essential part of this process is learning how to prioritize your needs. In a previous blog series titled “Learning To Say No,” we explored this issue and how important it is. We discussed why it can be difficult to say no, but also provided good reasons for saying no and offered some useful tools for those in need of assistance and instruction.

Relinquishing control is also something that can improve your life and lower your stress level in the new year. This is a subject that can be challenging for those people who feel a constant need to be in control of everything. Attempting to control people, places and things can easily become a consuming obsession, creating not only internal stress, but strife and conflict with those around you, as well. If you find yourself always needing to be in control, then we suggest you take the time to read our blog post titled “Relinquishing Control,” as it will help you learn to let go.

At Above & Beyond Acupuncture we firmly believe that nutrition is the cornerstone of health and wellness. Making some dietary changes for the new year is a great idea. You can start with a few modifications and grow from there. Getting gluten out of your diet is highly recommended and will prove to be a worthy endeavor. Removing gluten isn’t just for those people with celiac disease; everyone can benefit from this change. In a previous blog post titled “Getting Rid Of Gluten,” we talked about what gluten is and how it can affect the body. This is important information, so we suggest you take the time to read that article.

Another dietary change we recommend is to start taking a high-quality multivitamin. There has been some debate over the necessity of taking a daily multivitamin, with some health professionals arguing there isn’t sufficient data to prove they are necessary. However, the diet of most Americans is far from complete—meaning that most people don’t get a sufficient amount of vitamins from the food they consume on a daily basis. Since this is the case for a large segment of the population, we believe taking a high-quality multivitamin is extremely important. We previously wrote about this subject in an article titled “The Value In Taking Vitamins.” In that post, we discussed what vitamins are, their value, and which ones you should take. We suggest you take the time to read through that blog post.

We hope you will consider implementing some (or all) of these suggestions now that the new year is upon us. We wish you the very best in health, wealth and success!

A New Year, A New You! – Part 1

Posted Wednesday, December 31st, 2014 by Paul Kerzner

new year, new, new you, health, wellness, scottsdale, acupuncture, mental wellbeing, growth, development, change, progress

As one year ends and another begins, we are all presented with an opportunity to move into new and uncharted territory. Some people spend time reflecting on what has taken place over the past year, while others think about what might transpire in the upcoming one. Regardless of which perspective is chosen, you will have an opportunity to refine and improve who you are and what you want to do with your life.

Having the right tools and methodologies at your disposal is essential when trying to change or improve your life. Over the past twelve months we have produced a significant number of blogs that have touched upon a variety of topics having to do with self-development and self-improvement. Our goal is to provide you with information that is easy to understand and which can be applied to improve your life. There is, of course, a lot of variability when it comes to how certain tools and methods can be used in each person’s life. In general, however, most of the topics are relevant—one way or another—to the majority of the population.

One of the fundamental goals that should be given high priority by anyone aiming to improve himself is to fully understand the power of being present. Being present can end so much suffering and internal strife, as it has the power to shift the mind away from ruminating about the past or worrying about the future. Many times anxiety and stress can be eliminated by being present, as these emotions often have very little to do with what is taking place in the moment. It is important to note that when your thoughts begin to race and trigger all kinds of emotions, you have become subservient and are under their control. You can free yourself from the shackles of thinking about the past and worrying about the future by doing one simple thing. Ask yourself, “Does this thought serve me?” If the answer is no, you must let that thought go. By releasing it you are making an active decision to not let that thought control you. More importantly, you are striving to be present. In a previous blog post titled “The Power Of Being Present,” we discussed what the concept means and provided some tools to help you achieve it. If there’s one thing you choose to do to improve your life in the new year, being present should be it.

When you travel down the path of self-improvement, it’s helpful to have mental, physical or spiritual exercises or practices that can help calm your mind and settle your spirit. Having a regular, or semi-regular, meditation practice is something easy that everyone can do. Meditation is also subject to a lot of variability; it is a tool that can be adapted to each person in a unique way. Some people find it helpful to get guidelines, directions or suggestions on how to meditate, but in the end you must choose a style/type of meditation that works best for you. There are many different types of meditations. One of the more popular versions is guided meditation. This is where you listen to a person’s voice guide you through the meditative process. There are over 900,000 different guided meditation videos on YouTube. With a little searching, you can find one that feels right and works well. We spent some time writing about meditation and its many benefits and also provided some suggestions on how you can start your practice. If you get a moment please read that article titled “The Many Benefits Of Meditation.”

Finding your life purpose is something each and every person needs to do, as it is a vital aspect of living a life filled with meaning, direction and value. Many people lead lives in an almost robotic way, going through the motions but not living fully and with purpose. Now that the new year is upon us, it would be a great time to sit and think about what your life purpose is. This isn’t an easy question, nor should it be. Discovering your life purpose can take some time and serious contemplation, so we urge you to be patient but persistent. In a previous blog post titled “What Is Your Life Purpose?” we presented this question to our readers and patients with the intention of raising awareness of its importance.

In part two of this series we will continue our discussion on what you can do to make the upcoming year your very best ever!

Analysis Paralysis

Posted Friday, December 26th, 2014 by Paul Kerzner

analysis, paralysis, scottsdale, acupuncture

In any given day a person is presented with numerous choices that contain a variety of options. Some of these situations are simple and mundane while others are complex and important. It is vital to take the necessary time to think through the issues and make the best decisions possible with the information available. One problem that many people encounter on a regular basis is a form of paralysis when it comes to making decisions. There is a sense of having too many options and a fear that if the wrong one is chosen it can have a cascading effect, bringing about negative repercussions. As society continues to evolve and technology plays a greater role in our lives, we will be required to make more decisions in ever less time. Because of this inevitability, we wanted to address how important it is to not get trapped in an overly-analytical state of mind when it comes to decision-making.

What does analysis paralysis mean?

A concise definition is that analysis paralysis occurs when a person becomes lost in the process of examining and evaluating various pieces of information, rendering him unable to make a decision. Analysis paralysis can take hold in any decision-making exercise, irrespective of whether it involves a personal or professional matter. [Link]

There is a reasonable amount of contemplation that can—and should—take place when making decisions. However, when a person becomes overwhelmed with the process, analysis paralysis can result.

What can I do to avoid experiencing analysis paralysis?

One of the best tools a person can use to overcome analysis paralysis is meditation.

Practicing meditation on a regular basis has many health benefits that improve the condition of the mind, body and soul. Meditation allows a person to quiet his mind. This is a valuable skill that will provide the necessary clarity leading to better and more effective decision-making. If there are some complicated decisions that need to be made, a great way to manage the complexity is to allow your mind to sort them out while meditating. This can be done by thinking about the issue(s) at hand before you start your meditation. When you finish, oftentimes you will experience a sense of clarity. This is when the best decisions can be made. In a previous blog post titled “The Many Benefits Of Meditation,” we discussed what meditation is and provided some suggestions on how to start practicing it.

Listening to your instincts is extremely important when making decisions, especially if you’re suffering with analysis paralysis. Oftentimes people will ask for advice or direction from everyone around them—even when they already know the correct answer. The information obtained from these external sources can inadvertently convolute the decision-making process. While it can be helpful to get advice from other people, the decision-maker’s own instincts should carry the most weight. The next time you’re making a decision, listen to your own instincts first; more often than not, it will lead you to the right decision.

Another helpful method to alleviate analysis paralysis is to establish a decision-making deadline. It is likely that you already have all the relevant information and are capable of choosing the best option. Setting a specific date and time to commit to the decision will help the process along.

Analysis paralysis affects the lives of many people. If you find yourself having a difficult time making decisions, schedule an appointment with the practitioners at Above & Beyond Acupuncture. We are here to help you help yourself.

Attitude Of Gratitude – Part 2

Posted Friday, December 19th, 2014 by Paul Kerzner

gratitude, attitude, health, wellness, scottsdale, acupuncture, wellbeing, mental health, happiness

This post is the second part of a series titled “Attitude Of Gratitude.” If you’ve not already done so, we suggest you first read part one, as it provides information about what gratitude is and why it’s so important. Please click here to view that post: [Link]

How can I be more grateful?

There are many techniques and methods that will allow you to be in a state of gratitude on a regular basis. At Above & Beyond Acupuncture we assign some patients “gratitude homework.” This is a daily assignment that entails writing about something for which the patient is grateful. The first part of the assignment is to focus on something in the external environment—a person, place or thing. After two weeks, the second part of the exercise begins. The focus now shifts toward the internal environment. Patients are instructed to focus on what they are grateful for about themselves. Spending time thinking about—and being grateful for—their skills, traits and personality allows for a deeper sense of appreciation of who they are.

Expressing gratitude is a very effective tool when trying to lead a more grateful existence. When a person sincerely and wholeheartedly tells another person how much they appreciate and are thankful for them, it brings positive feelings to both the sender and the recipient. This can create a cascading effect where the recipient will be in such a deep state of gratitude that they will then express their feelings to someone in their life—thereby creating a stream of positivity that can go on and on. If there are people in your life for whom you are grateful, take the time to let them know. A good goal to set is to give at least one compliment daily for thirty days in a row. It can be a compliment about anything to anyone. Just be sure that it gets accomplished every day. Expressing gratitude will put you in a state of gratitude. It’s as simple as that.

Watching your words is an important tool when learning to be more grateful. By using words that are positive, uplifting and enlightening, you will feel better. You then eliminate words that are negative, constricting and harmful. Those words create unnecessary stress. This is especially key when describing your life and the people who surround you. In a previous blog post titled “Watch Your Words,” we discussed why it’s so important to watch the words you use. If you’ve been using words that need to be improved, this is an important article to read.

When you find yourself in a situation that is unpleasant or uncomfortable, you can take a moment to ask yourself what can be learned from it. By taking this approach (instead of avoiding it or becoming adverse), you can look for what to be grateful for. These situations can become valuable lessons in helping you grow. All that is required is a shift of perspective. Being grateful for the challenges in your life is as important as being grateful for the things that make you happy. Both serve your greatest good, providing useful experience and knowledge.

These are only a few ways to become more grateful; the full list is endless. If you’re interested in learning more, please get in touch with the practitioners at Above & Beyond Acupuncture. We are here to help.

Attitude Of Gratitude – Part 1

Posted Sunday, December 14th, 2014 by Paul Kerzner

gratitude, scottsdale, acupuncture, wellness, health, happiness, wellbeing, mental health

Life in the 21st century can be overwhelming at times. We are constantly bombarded with the notion that having more possessions is important and of value. Whether it is material objects, wealth or relationships, the premise is—if you are able to acquire new and greater objects, you will be happy. If this were true, every rich person would be among the happiest human beings in the world. Oftentimes, however, this idea only leads to a lust for further acquisition.

There is enormous variance in terms of what people consider to be “sufficient.” Each person’s view of reality can differ greatly from the next. But there is one thing that can help create internal peace and harmony in all people when it comes to having enough stuff. Gratitude is the one thing that helps shift from a perspective of always needing more to a place of satisfaction with what one already has.

What is gratitude?

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines gratitude as “a feeling of appreciation or thanks”. While this is a rather simple definition, it provides a concise and palatable explanation of the term. Feeling appreciative or thankful is a state of being that can quickly shift a person’s emotional state from one of lack and limitation to one of peace and harmony.

Why is it important to be grateful?

Being grateful for the people and possessions you have in your life is extremely important. When you are grateful for these things, your energy shifts to a place where you truly appreciate all that you have. You are far less focused on what you don’t have. People who spend time in a state of gratitude are often more happy with their position in life; they are not expending energy focused on a perceived need to acquire more and more possessions.

What you think affects how you feel; this is a simple truth. When you spend time being grateful, you elicit a positive feeling and a greater sense of well-being. This state of being can improve your health, strengthening your immune system and positively impacting other bodily functions. In contrast, when you spend time focused on all the things you don’t have, you elicit feelings of lack and limitation. These thoughts and feelings can potentially cause disease and illness, as the body will begin to mirror your negative emotional state.

In part two of this series we will provide information on how you can become more grateful. We hope you will find this series useful in helping you strive for an attitude of gratitude!

Embracing Change – Part 2

Posted Saturday, December 6th, 2014 by Paul Kerzner

do not resist change

Please note that this post is the second part of a series titled “Embracing Change.” If you’ve not already done so, we suggest that you read part one, as it addresses some of the reasons why people fear change. Please click here to view that post: [Link]

How can I embrace change?

Before you can learn to embrace change, you must first identify why you are afraid of it. This is an important part of the process. In part 1 we provided a few causes that can trigger fear and concern when confronted with a change in your life. Having a proper understanding as to why you’re feeling adverse to change is an essential step towards learning how to embrace it. Now that you are aware of your fear(s), it’s time to learn some helpful tools and methods.

Perception is one of the most important factors when it comes to learning how to embrace change. “Perception is reality” is a famous phrase, and it’s applicable to this subject. What it means is that the way you see something (like change) is the way it will become. If you perceive something to be hard, tough or bad, it will become those things because that’s what you believe. The best thing you can do is to start watching your words. Eliminate the negative ones and replace them with more positive and constructive descriptors. In a previous blog post titled “Watch Your Words,” we addressed the importance of watching the words that come out of your mouth. You can shift your perspective by simply using words that make you feel good, while eliminating those words that generate negative or constricting sentiments.

Being courageous in the face of change is not only helpful but oftentimes necessary. Summoning courage is not always an easy thing; it can take time to build. This will require practice and the ability to quiet your mind, as it is the mind that can create roadblocks and obstacles when seeking to embrace change. One very useful tool that can be used to settle the thoughts running through your head is meditation. In a previous blog post titled “The Many Benefits Of Meditation,” we discussed what it is and provided some suggestions on how to start practicing it. Everyone can benefit from daily meditation. Once you are able to quiet your mind, you can look deep within yourself to understand why you lack courage and then start building it. Then, the next time you are confronted with change, you will be able to use your new-found courage to embrace it, while not allowing your fears to defeat the effort.

When learning to embrace change, it is important that you eliminate any preconceived expectations and potential outcomes. The truth is that high expectations often lead to high levels of disappointment. Expectations are created within your mind and are based on past memories that are then projected into the future. Memories of the past are not always accurate, and when they are used in this manner, they often cause interference and bring about fear and concern. Being present—living in the present moment—is the most effective way to absolve you from expectations and detach you from potential outcomes. In a previous blog titled “The Power Of Being Present,” we provided some useful tools to help you stay in the present moment.

Change is something everyone has to deal with—regardless of who you are and where you’re at in life. Because this is so, the best thing you can do is to learn to love change, which is something that might be difficult at first but can become easier with practice. Look at change with a positive perspective; understand that change can help you and be a wonderful motivator for growth.

We hope this blog series has provided you with some valuable information and tools. The next time change presents itself in your life, do your best to embrace it!

Embracing Change – Part 1

Posted Saturday, November 29th, 2014 by Paul Kerzner

change, embrace, scottsdale, acupuncture, wellbeing, holistic, health, growth, progress, moving forward

One of the most common issues patients talk about at Above & Beyond Acupuncture is change. One of the few guarantees in life is that change will take place, as it is the only constant and dependable force within nature. Human beings tend to have an innate resistance to change and often fight hard to maintain the status quo. These efforts are in vain, despite the expenditure of a tremendous amount of energy, time and resources. Learning to embrace change is truly a valuable skill, one that has the ability to end physical, emotional and spiritual suffering. Change is a vital part of life and should be welcomed. It has the potential to improve one’s life if properly embraced. This subject is essential to those looking to improve themselves, so we hope you will take the time to read this blog post as many times as needed to grasp the concepts.

Why am I so scared of change?

People in general are creatures of habit, creating lives that are filled with comfort and repetition. Knowing what to expect from the things and people around us is often desired and created; yet, in reality, life is full of variables and unexpected events.

One of the biggest factors when it comes to being scared of change is the fear of the unknown. Not knowing what to expect can cause a tremendous amount of anxiety and stress in people, leading them to make decisions from a place of fear. These decisions can have a systemic and negative effect on their lives, as they are not thinking clearly. While it is understandable that not knowing what to expect could potentially lead to adverse conditions, it can also be a source of great possibility and potential. Being present—striving to live in the moment—is extremely important and can help to alleviate the fear of the unknown. When a person is living in the present, he is no longer spending time thinking about the past or the future; he is living in the moment. People who are filled with fears of the unknown take memories from the past (usually negative ones) and shade their future with these thoughts. Any positive potential for change is quickly negated as fears and other limitations set in. In a previous blog post titled “The Power Of Being Present,” we provided information and tools to help learn about being present. If you have a fear of the unknown, we suggest you read that post and strive to be present, as it will help you embrace change more easily.

Another reason many people fear change is that they doubt themselves and don’t know their true potential. A lack of self-confidence and proper understanding of what is possible can create an internal environment of fear, especially with regard to change. When people doubt themselves, they will think that change can overcome them and force them out of their comfort zone. These doubts and a lack of confidence can also alter the way a person perceives change, making it seem a lot bigger and more complicated than it really is. Believing in yourself is an important facet of life. Without confidence in your capabilities, there will always be doubts. Learning to trust yourself is a process; it is a worthy endeavor that can improve your reality. If you’ve experienced these issues, the first step towards shifting is to do your best day in and day out. Your best might vary from day to day. However, if you strive to do your best, you will slowly build confidence and start feeling better about yourself. Regardless of the challenge, be the very best person you can be.

Having strong attachments to people, places and things will often cause a significant fear of change. Since change is the only constant in life, there is almost 100% certainty that your life and the things in it will change. The harder a person holds on to people, places and things, the harder life becomes. It is far easier to allow the change to take place. Learning to let go and allowing things to come in and out of your life is an important skill—one that should be worked on. When you respect the flow of life, change can be effortless. Things will come and go without causing unnecessary suffering.

In part 2 of this series we will go into detail on what you can do to embrace change. We hope you will begin to understand that change is not to be feared. It can be an amazing motivator and creator when viewed with a positive perspective.

The Need For Interpersonal Boundaries

Posted Saturday, November 22nd, 2014 by Paul Kerzner

boundaries, scottsdale, acupuncture, relationships, conflict, needs

One topic that is discussed quite often with patients at Above & Beyond Acupuncture is the need to establish boundaries. Setting up boundaries within interpersonal relationships is essential, as it provides the necessary framework for what is appropriate and inappropriate. The majority of relationships people have are geared toward getting their needs met, while also being able to fulfill the needs of others. This is a prime reason why setting boundaries is necessary—to make it possible for everyone’s needs to be met.

What are boundaries?

Before we delve into the importance of boundaries, it’s best to have a basic understanding of what they are. The most basic definition is that boundaries are limits that you create—within the context of interpersonal relationships—that are designed to protect you. When we speak of being protected, we mean that your needs must be prioritized, while still respecting the needs of others. It’s important to protect those needs and make sure they are not being overlooked. In certain situations it can become very easy for the needs of one person to take precedence over another, which is why having clearly defined boundaries is important.

Why do I need boundaries?

Strong and proper boundaries will prevent you from being taken advantage of (and possibly abused), as these boundaries will clearly define what is acceptable and what is not. This is especially important for “people pleasers”—those people who habitually put others’ needs ahead of their own. Oftentimes these are the people most likely to be taken advantage of, as they either lack boundaries altogether, or the boundaries they have set are not sufficiently strong or properly defined. Learning to say no is an important tool when it comes to developing and maintaining relationship boundaries. This can be challenging for those who have become accustomed to serving other people’s needs. In a previous blog series titled “Learning To Say No,” we presented information on this subject and provided some useful tools that can be used to strengthen boundaries. We suggest you take some time to read that blog, especially if you find it difficult to say no to the people in your life.

If you suffer from low self-esteem or have difficulty placing value on your own needs, then perhaps it’s time to re-evaluate the relationships you have in your life. Think about how you are being treated. Ask if your feelings and needs are being prioritized. You should also take some time to think about how (and if) these relationships are serving you and if they bring value to your life. If you discover that your needs are not being met within one or more of your relationships, then it’s important to implement boundaries that will ensure you are being properly respected. This may prove difficult, depending upon the nature of the other person and how the relationship developed. Regardless of the specifics, it’s important that the people in your life understand your needs—and are willing to help fulfill them.

How can having boundaries improve my life?

When you’re involved in interpersonal relationships, it’s essential that the other person knows what you want, how you feel, what you expect, and what you’re willing to do. In return, you should want to know and respect the boundaries and desires of that other person. This information provides the foundation for strong relationships built on mutual respect. When disagreements arise, having boundaries in place allows for more amicable resolutions. It also helps to prevent “accidental” oversteps, where an otherwise-healthy relationship might be unnecessarily damaged or even permanently ruined.

Having boundaries is important, and we hope that after reading this blog you will take some time to think about whether you need to establish (or strengthen) them in any of your relationships.

Be The Living Example – Part 2

Posted Monday, November 17th, 2014 by Paul Kerzner

Lead By Example

This post is the second part of a series titled “Be The Living Example”. If you’ve not already done so, we recommend that you first read part one, as it provides a proper introduction to this topic. Please click here to view that post: [Link]

How can I be the living example?

Before you can take any steps toward being the living example, you should first make sure it is something you truly desire to do. Desire is the fire; it is the fuel it takes to propel you forward—toward accomplishing a change in your life. You must ask yourself if this is something you really want and if you’re willing to make the necessary changes and sacrifices to get there. If you’d like to delve into learning more about desire, please check out our post titled “What Do You Desire?

After you have found the desire to become the living example, the first step is to start watching the words you use. In a previous blog post titled “Watch Your Words,” we discussed how important it is to observe the words the come out of your mouth. Oftentimes people will speak without thinking—or use words that carry negative, limiting and constricting connotations. It’s vital that you become aware of your words, as they have the potential to create your reality. If you’re looking to become the living example, then watching your words is the first place to start.

The next step is to take note of your behavior. If you find yourself trapped in repetitive behavioral patterns, it may be time to make some changes. Are you happy with how you treat other people? Are you happy with how you react in situations where you are uncomfortable? Are you easily shaken, stressed or disturbed? Do you have regrets about how you’ve behaved soon after a situation takes place? These questions are of value, but perhaps the most important question is, do you advise people on how to handle challenging situations, yet you struggle with them yourself? If the answer is yes, you should take some time to think about why you feel qualified to advise others on things you cannot personally accomplish. Being a living contradiction is the antithesis to being the living example—something that should be avoided. If you want to give people advice about something, you must be sure it is something you’ve done, are currently doing, or will do in the very near future.

Learning how to be present is a very helpful step towards becoming the living example. Thinking about the past and worrying about the future detract from your ability to live fully in the present moment. Many people struggle with this. Regret about the past or rumination about the future can weigh heavily on a person’s thoughts and emotions. One of our most important blogs goes into detail about being present; it’s titled “The Power Of The Present Moment”. We suggest you take the time to read through it.

We do hope you found this post to be useful. It’s important to note that life is full of surprises, so striving to always be the living example can be difficult at times. We want to stress that it is the effort that matters the most. You might find it difficult at times to live in alignment with your words, but you should always strive to do so, regardless of whether you sometimes fall short.

Be The Living Example – Part 1

Posted Wednesday, November 12th, 2014 by Paul Kerzner

live, living example, scottsdale, acupuncture

Throughout life we encounter situations where we are asked for advice, suggestions, and critiques. Being a source of knowledge and wisdom can be of tremendous benefit to yourself and the people around you. Yet, if the life you lead is in stark contrast to your own words and beliefs, then a state of hypocrisy is created, leading to incongruity and doubt—amongst others and within yourself. Being the living example is an extremely important trait/characteristic—one that needs to be developed and prioritized. When your beliefs, words and actions are in alignment, clarity and truth become a part of your reality. We find this subject to be integral for anyone interested in personal development, people working through issues/conflicts, and those wanting to live a more balanced and peaceful existence.

What does it mean to be the living example?

Before we can go into why you should be the living example and how this is accomplished, it’s important to discuss what it means. Being the living example means that your words, actions and behaviors are all in alignment. When you speak, the words you use and the advice you offer are a direct representation of how you live your life. This eliminates hypocrisy—saying one thing and then doing another.

More importantly, the way you live your life should be with integrity, honor and substance. When you act, you should act in a moral way and always strive to do the right thing. When this is accomplished, the people around you will take note. Their observations of you are more powerful than any advice you might offer. This is important because people tend to emulate the behavior of others. Children do this all the time; it’s an integral part of their social development.

Why should I be the living example?

Having a life filled with integrity is one of the best reasons to be the living example. Integrity is something most people believe to be a worthy trait—and they strive to achieve and maintain it. Merriam-Webster defines integrity as “the quality of being honest and fair. The state of being complete or whole.” [Link] By being the living example, you will embody the very definition of integrity, as you will be living an honest, balanced and peaceful existence.

One of the best reasons to be the living example is to be a better and more effective parent, teacher, friend, mentor and/or person. The people in our lives who know us, who trust us and love us, are best served not by directions, suggestions or criticisms. If you can live your truth and live in congruence with your words and actions, then those people will want to learn more about you. They will observe you; they will become curious and begin to start looking at their own actions, words and behaviors in comparison to yours. Teaching by example is the most authentic and efficient way possible.

In part 2 of this series we will provide steps that you can take towards being the living example. We hope these blog posts will provide you with the necessary information and motivation to make some positive changes in your life.

Relinquishing Control

Posted Thursday, November 6th, 2014 by Paul Kerzner

control, acupuncture, scottsdale, wellbeing, happiness

One topic that we touch upon quite often with our patients at Above & Beyond Acupuncture is control—or, more specifically, being in control. As human beings we like to have control over things, including people, places and events. At times it may seem like control is possible, but in the end it frequently turns out to be a mere illusion. A lot of self-inflicted suffering takes place under the guise of control, so much so that we decided to take some time to discuss this behavior and how important it is to let go of it.

What is the problem with being in control?

Before we can answer that question, we should look at what control means. The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines control as follows: “to direct the behavior of (a person or animal), to cause (a person or animal) to do what you want. To have power over (something).” And finally, “to direct the actions or function of (something), to cause (something) to act or function in a certain way.” [Link]

As we can see by this definition, control has a lot to do with the interactions of people with other things—specifically, efforts toward manipulating behaviors and outcomes. Power and domination over people/animals/objects allows this control to take place. It is this type of behavior that creates a separation between those in control and those being controlled. Ego thrives in these situations; it becomes empowered when people feel they are better than others. In a previous blog titled “Ego Identification,” we discussed in detail what the ego is, how it exerts control over a person, and how to better handle your own ego. This is an important topic. We suggest you take the time to read through that article to get a better understanding of how influential your ego can be.

The main problem with being in control is that oftentimes, it isn’t real. You cannot completely control anyone or anything. You certainly can try, but your efforts will be in vain. Control is an illusion that makes us believe we are in control. It gives us the notion that we can determine how things take place. The sheer amount of variability in life creates an infinite number of possibilities for any outcome. There is no sure thing. The more certain you think you are of something, the greater the chance it will turn out in an unexpected way. Control is something to be relinquished; it needs to be let go.

How many times have you made plans only to see them change? How many times did you think something was going to happen only to have the opposite take place? How many times did you tell a person to do one thing only to have him do another? The biggest question you need to ask yourself is, why do you have to be in control?

Why should I relinquish control?

It’s important to note that by relinquishing control, you are not living a life that’s completely out of control; it’s quite the opposite. The action of letting go and stopping the need to be in control is a move toward going with the flow of life. Instead of trying to proverbially swim upstream against the current, why not go downstream where things can be easier and more peaceful? This is an important analogy, as it allows us to visualize how controlling things is going against the flow while letting go is easier and can lead to a more tranquil existence.

The truth is that you don’t have to be in control to the extent to which you have become accustomed. While your job or role in life might include responsibilities that have some level of control built in, it’s important that you monitor your behavior when exerting it. No one likes to be under the control of another person, yet there are times when it is necessary. Instead of being an authoritarian, try to be more moderate, putting yourself in the shoes of the person(s) you are directing.

When you recognize that you are being overly controlling, it’s important to stop and think about why you feel the way you do and what you can do about it. This requires a substantial amount of mindfulness and “being present.” At first this might prove difficult, especially if this behavior has been a big part of your life. However, if you are vigilant—both in monitoring your actions and striving to be in the present—it will become easier for you to stop this behavior.

If you find yourself constantly needing to be in control of people, places and things, then now is the time to let go. Stop wasting your energy, as this behavior only leads to frustration. Remember, control is more often than not an illusion. You really can’t completely control anyone or anything.

Learning To Say No – Part 2

Posted Friday, October 31st, 2014 by Paul Kerzner

scottsdale, acupuncture, say no, health, wellness, mental wellbeing

Please note that this blog post is the second part of a series in which we discuss the importance of saying no. In the first part, we discussed why people tend to feel selfish when saying no, and also looked at why saying no can be so difficult. If you’ve not already done so, we suggest you read part 1, as it will provide a proper intro to this topic. Please click here to view that post: [Link]

What are some good reasons for saying no?

The primary reason for saying no to someone should always be that your needs take priority. Putting someone else’s needs in front of your own will only cause problems. It also sets a very bad precedent going forward, as others can potentially seize upon that tendency and take advantage of it. While it’s nice to help others, you must make sure that your own needs are properly tended to first and foremost. There is no better reason to decline a request. You must prioritize, placing yourself at the top. This is not an encouragement for you to become selfish or narcissistic; rather, we are emphasizing that if your own needs first receive the required attention, you will then be able to assist the other people in your life. In part 1 of this series we provided the analogy of the empty pitcher. You can easily become the empty pitcher if you are always taking care of others before taking care of yourself.

A great reason for saying no (and one that is often set aside) is that you really just don’t want to do it. Quite often we receive requests to do things that we’d prefer not to, but then guilt sets in and we second-guess ourselves. Your first instinct is usually the right one, so if you initially felt like you didn’t want to do the favor, then listen to yourself and say no. Guilt is a terrible reason to do things; we should do things because we want to. While there are certainly exceptions to this (like being told what to do at your job), it’s important to really take some time to think about how you feel when being asked for favors. Trust your instincts; they will rarely steer you wrong.

Sometimes people will ask for help knowing full-well that they are capable of handling it themselves. It is just easier to have someone else take care of it. When confronted with this type of request, it’s important to first analyze it and determine whether it’s in your best interest to get involved. By too-easily acceding to a request like this, you are enabling the person to outsource his issues/tasks. Saying no to these types of requests is usually the best strategy. Why should you be encumbered to handle something for someone who isn’t inclined to help himself?

While there are many good reasons to say no, it’s important to note that you should always take time to think about the request before responding.

What are some useful tools to help me say no?

When trying to change a set behavior, it’s important to have the proper tools to help empower you. Learning to say no is a process that at first will be challenging. However, with helpful tools it will become easier.

Practice makes perfect, so the more opportunities you have to say no, the better. If you have people in your life who have become accustomed to your inability to say no, then it’s time for some practice. The next time a minor request comes your way that you really don’t want to do, find the courage to refuse it outright. By doing so, you’ll likely catch the other person off-guard. He or she is expecting you to say yes, and will likely protest your response. Be sure to stand your ground. There’s no room for negotiations when learning this new behavior.

Something that is very important to understand is that you’re not saying no to the person; you’re saying no to the request. It’s important that you detach the two. In so doing, you should be able to set aside the emotional connection that might otherwise make you feel guilty or second-guess your response.

Preparation is a key to success with any venture; taking some time to plan how you’re going to start saying no is advisable. If you’re a known “people-pleaser,” it’s essential that you map out a plan on how you’re going to start saying no more often. A great time to do this would be during morning meditation. If you’re not one to meditate, then just find (or make) some quiet time and visualize yourself saying no to the people who keep asking for favors. Visualizing is a powerful tool—one that we will discuss in a future blog post.

Being a people-pleaser is a role that has few rewards. Empower yourself and prioritize your needs. Learn to say no. If you don’t value your own needs, then who will?

Learning To Say No – Part 1

Posted Saturday, October 25th, 2014 by Paul Kerzner

say no, acupuncture, scottsdale, health, wellness, boundaries, wellbeing

Making other people happy is certainly a nice thing to do, but oftentimes this behavior can have undesired consequences if not properly prioritized. Since we have worked with many patients who are self-described “people-pleasers,” we’d like to take some time to talk about the importance of saying no—and learning to place your needs ahead of others without feeling selfish. Please note, we are not encouraging selfish, narcissistic behavior. What we want to discuss is how important it is for people to make sure their needs are being met while also serving the needs of others.

Why do I feel so selfish when saying no to people?

Selfish is a word that elicits a variety of emotions—and for good reason. Most people don’t want to be considered selfish, which is why they find it so difficult to say no. Merriam-Webster defines selfish as “having or showing concern only for yourself and not for the needs or feelings of other people.” [Link] Clearly that has negative connotations that most people would not wish to attribute to themselves. We believe the time has come to redefine the word selfish so it can be used more constructively. Selfish should be defined as “serving your own needs so that you can better serve the needs of others”.

A question we sometimes ask patients who have problems saying no is, “How can you pour from an empty pitcher?” This analogy is useful as it helps people better understand and visualize themselves as the pitcher. The realization is if they don’t refill their pitcher—if they don’t tend to their own needs first—how can they provide for others? Once this analogy is fully grasped and the word selfish is redefined, patients begin to understand that there is a need for reprioritization, moving their needs to the top so they can then help the people in their life.

Why do I have such a hard time saying no?

Many people have a deep desire to feel needed by others. It helps to provide a sense of self-worth. By doing things for other people, they derive a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment. There are more than a few issues associated with this type of behavior. A major one is that this behavior needs to be repeated frequently to sustain the feelings of self-worth. This can become a vicious cycle that can trap people into the service of others, never being able to spend time taking care of their own needs. Struggling with self-worth is a major issue for many people. It’s important to understand that the value you place on yourself should have less to do with your service to others and more on who you are and what you have accomplished. This isn’t to say that helping others should not be valued; it is still important. But it is more important for you to find worth and value in being you and honoring your own needs.

Some people also are reluctant to say no due to a fear of the consequences of refusing a request. “What if this person gets upset when I say no?” “What if they stop being my friend?” “What if I let them down?” “What will they do without me?” These are common concerns people face when thinking about saying no. And while it would be easy enough to challenge these concerns, the fear element can be quite powerful. There are many things that can be done by those who carry these fears. It takes courage, willpower, and an understanding that oftentimes the scenarios you’ve created in your mind are not real. If you say no to someone and he gets upset, that’s his problem, not yours. If a person stops being your friend because you couldn’t help him out, did you really need that kind of friend in the first place? What we are suggesting is that you challenge the fear of saying no with a logical response. This will take some effort at first, but with persistence you can overcome it. In a previous blog post titled “Improving Your Inner Dialogue,” we provided methods to help improve your thought process. Using these tools can be helpful when dealing with the fears of saying no.

In part two we will discuss reasons why you should say no, and provide you with some useful tools to help empower you to do so. Learning how to say no (when necessary) can improve your life.

Improving Your Inner Dialogue – Part 2

Posted Tuesday, October 21st, 2014 by Paul Kerzner

inner dialogue, health, wellness, acupuncture, scottsdale, mental health, wellbeing, holistic health

Please note that this post is the second part of a series titled “Improving Your Inner Dialogue”. We suggest you read the first part (if you’ve not already done so), as it provides a definition of what we mean by an “inner dialogue,” along with some helpful methods to improve it. Please click here to view that post: [Link]

What can I do to improve my internal dialogue?

One of the most important steps to improving an inner dialogue is to be aware of it; this was discussed at length in part 1. Once you become conscious of the conversation taking place within your mind, you will be better equipped to improve it. This will take time, practice and vigilance. With enough repetition, you will be able to become an active participant in the dialogue, enabling you to maintain a positive state of existence.

One of the questions we ask our patients at Above & Beyond Acupuncture is how they talk to themselves in comparison to how they communicate with others. It’s important to ask yourself that question. Do you talk to yourself the same way you talk to other people in your life? And further—do you talk to yourself the way you want other people to talk to you? How you answer these two questions may well reveal inconsistencies in how you communicate with others versus how you communicate with yourself. By contemplating these questions—and the answers they elicit—it will become clear to many people that there exists an incongruity within their communication styles. If you strive to speak to the people in your life with kindness, compassion and love, then why not do the same with yourself? If you want others to speak to you in a positive and supportive way, then why not afford yourself the same consideration? Take some time to seriously ponder these questions; the answers you get might surprise you.

Another helpful tool that some people use to help improve their inner dialogue is to journal their thoughts. By taking the time to sit down and write about what’s going on in your life, you will be able to more effectively process your thoughts and gain a better understanding of your mental state. Many people find writing to be a cathartic experience. Committing your thoughts to paper can be both enlightening and liberating.

Using positive affirmations is also an easy and effective way to improve your inner dialogue. In a previous blog post titled “The Power Of Positive Affirmations,” we discussed what affirmations are and how to use them, and also provided a few examples. By incorporating the daily use of positive affirmations, you can reprogram your thought process, giving you the ability to improve your inner dialogue. We suggest you take the time to read through that earlier post, as we firmly believe that affirmations are one of the easiest and most effective ways to shift your state of mind.

We hope that after reading through this blog series you will understand how important it is to be aware of your inner dialogue, and that you will spend some time working to improve it. If you have any questions, or would like some help, please consider setting up an appointment. We are here to help you help yourself.